Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
