I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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