3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
