Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
