you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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