Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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