god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
