I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
