Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
