you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
