can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
