i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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