You really coming over, don't trick.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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