Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize