She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize