just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
