did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
