Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
