stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
