fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
a search helicopter?!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
