It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
