I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize