Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize