Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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