I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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