does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i came on her dog
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
