if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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