New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
