but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize