these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
