Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
