it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
