I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize