My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
