well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
