Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dick very happy bro
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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