i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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