I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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