You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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