i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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