i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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