My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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