I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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