Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize