I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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