I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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