My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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