If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
