nut hugger
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
