I molested 6 butterflies tonight
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
