If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
