I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
