And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize