I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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