Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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