JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize