BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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