I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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