toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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