I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
