so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
