you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
