I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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