i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
