my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
