3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
