What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
