is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you win again, gameday.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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