Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
