there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
