he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
