I met the friendliest cop last night
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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