Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
