I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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