She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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