I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
