I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
