we have pet lesbian snakes
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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