All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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