He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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