Umm I'm too high to move.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
