Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
