i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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