Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
