Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
