are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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