They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
