So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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