she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
