i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
