I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
