New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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