She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
