Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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