Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
