He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
