I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
