I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize