Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
