Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
