That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
