Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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