he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
