Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
