True but thats because hes a fetus.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
